omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
