i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
