Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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