His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
