Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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