idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
