you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
