is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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