he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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