Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
