Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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