Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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