My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
