R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
