Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
