I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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