I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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