She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
