Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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