watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize