i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Alive.
So much puke
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
