I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
