I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
