wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
