he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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