he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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