Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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