youre lurking in front of me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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