im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
