My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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