I can text with my tongue
I feel great
I just peed on a car
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
