he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
