I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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