well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
