all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
