listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
