her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize