I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
