this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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