We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
