college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can I color on your dick again?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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