omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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