I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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