Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
