There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
