Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
