So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
