my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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