I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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