I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
