It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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