dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm passing your future prison.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
