Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
