I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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