So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
