we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
God, I missed his penis.
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