Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
