I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
