This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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