Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
