My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
