Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
