If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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