I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
