You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
