Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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