Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
