PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
