didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
