just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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