you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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