No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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