Banned from zoo.
Again?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think I just sharted jello shots
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
