I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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