OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
