We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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