and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
