come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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