I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
