Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
