Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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