Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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