im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize