Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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