im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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