u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize