lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
